Christmas is over and the house is quiet…too quiet. Both of my daughters went home with their older sister for the week, so I’m alone….just me and the huskies. It’s strange, that it’s 3 AM and I can be up, wandering around the house, and I don’t have to worry about being quiet so I don’t wake anyone.
Normally, I would enjoy the quiet knowing they’ll be home at the end of the week, along with their noise and mess and teenage chaos. Now it’s different. After raising three daughters for the past 28 years, the oldest has been gone several years now on her own, my second daughter is in her second year of collage, so we are slowly adjusting to her being gone, and that leaves me and my youngest home together. I’ve raised my daughters alone for the past 15 years, and now my youngest is graduating this May and applying to collages. Having the house empty now, reminds me that my life will forever change in a few months.
My daughters are doing exactly what I’ve been raising them to do, go out into the world and start their own lives, but in the process of raising them, I’ve lost myself. The stark reality of my aloneness is hitting me. I’ll wake up to an empty house, come home to an empty house….no meals to cook…no real groceries to buy…the house will stay clean…their bedroom doors will stand open, showing a clean empty room.
This is not a temporary quietness while they’re gone visiting friends. I’m hit with the reality that this is going to be a permanent emptiness, a permanent quiet…just me..wandering the house, talking to the huskies.
After spending the past 28 years raising my daughters, that job is about to be over, and i’m left alone with a person I don’t know anymore….except as “mom.”